My mother truly loves me

The view out of her window was brown, mostly, while Ruki brushed her hair. The trees were slowly losing their leaves so that they could face the winter better, while all the flowers had already died and the birds had moved south. It was early still- the sun had barely driven all the stars out of the skies, but Ruki was wide awake.

Today, she would talk to her mother about the wedding. Of course, she had discussed it with Yuuro ever since he had returned from his trip to Kiyoi. They had made so many plans together, but of course none of it would happen if her family didn't approve. She had been angry with this at first, but she had come to realize it was the price she had to pay for being a princess.

While Yuuro and her parents had been away, Ruki had been studying the history of the Friendship Lands. From the books that her grandmother had collected over the past years she had learned much of her lineage, and for the more ancient history she could consult the guardians, who were happy to explain to her how exactly the world had been back then.

Not really feeling like breakfast, Ruki got up and instantly went to her mother's study room. The door was open, and Taira was sitting behind her book reading some kind of long letter Ruki did not recognize.
“Hello, mother.” She greeted Taira as she closed the door of the room.
“Good morning, Ruki. Did you sleep well?”

“Yea.” Ruki lied.
“You?”
“Yes, I slept pretty well, thank you. Would you like some tea?” Taira asked.
“Yes please.” Ruki said as she wondered why her mother sounded so formal.
Was she nervous too? As her mother poured some tea into a cup for her, Ruki sat down on one of the chairs. Her mother's study was spacious and very light, with two large windows behind her desk. Along the walls stood two large book cases, one with books and others with files and papers. On top of each of the book cases stood plants which in spring carried wonderful flowers.

“So... Ruki. I heard you and Yuuro already had some plans about the wedding?” Taira asked when she was done with the tea.
“Yes... we do, actually.” Ruki admitted.
“Let's hear them, then.” Taira said, as she put her cup aside and had grabbed a quill and a piece of paper. Ruki sighed, pretty sure her mother would never approve of her plans... but she had decided to try anyway.

“Well... Last winter, Yuuro and I found an abandoned cottage in the woods, not that far from the castle. It's in ruins of course, but it's such a wonderful location. If possible, we would like to hold the ceremony there.” There, she said it. She couldn't read the expression on her mother's face at first, until she smiled slightly.

“Hmmm... it does sound lovely, but you'll have to realize it will be winter by then. And maybe... is it big enough? Will the house fit all of the guests? And what about the party after?” Taira asked.
“Yea, about that...” Ruki sighed. Now came the hard part.
“Yuuro and I don't want that many guests. Or a party. So much has happened this year, and Twinkle Star passed away and all... we don't think it's appropriate to have a large party now. We only want to invite close family and friends and the most important officials.”

“But Ruki...” Taira sighed, but she didn't continue.
Her mother stared out of the window for a while. “Okay. I understand. I think that's very considerate of you. However, as a princess, as my heir... you can't possibly ignore the rest of the population. They want to celebrate. Especially because of the bad things that have happened. So how about we keep your wedding the way you described it, and when summer comes, we will have a celebration day, to celebrate both my coronation, your wedding, and the guardians. How does that sound?”

“I guess that sounds reasonable.” Ruki had to admit.
She knew she had to do something for the normal ponies too, because they deserved a celebration, and this way she wouldn't have to worry that all the spotlights would be on her. And her wedding might still end up as Yuuro and she had envisioned it.

“So... Then who do we invite to your wedding? I take it you had a few ideas?” Taira smiled.
“Oh, I do... Everyone from our family, and Yuuro's family... And of course the officials of the country...” Ruki was already out of ideas. Who else did they have to invite? Oh, if only this could be solely her decision... then she wouldn't invite anyone at all. She'd just get married to Yuuro, without anyone else being there, because it was something that concerned only them.

“That sounds good. Although I do think we need to invite some ponies from other countries. Madash, the Tokowa Lands... Our relationships with them are vital for the prosperity of this country. We still need them.”
“Of course.” Ruki answered, even though she hadn't even thought of that yet. Even more people she didn't even know...
 “Oh, and I will send a letter to Asterian as soon as possible. Of course, we will need to invite Takato and his wife.”

“What? No!” Ruki exclaimed before she even realized she had said it out loud.
“What do you mean, no? We can't just not invite them... we may never be High Queens again, but we are the heirs to that line. Even the Guardians regard us as such. To not invite the High King after our recent treaty will surely damage our young relationship with the...”

“I will NOT have Takato on my wedding!” Ruki interrupted her mother when she couldn't bear to hear any more.
She didn't care about treaties or relationships with the west. She was already out on the hallway before she noticed she had ran out of her mother's room. She fled the corridors, the stairs, the door, out into the stormy autumn gardens.

Only when she reached her beloved circle did she slow down. She could feel the tears now, but she didn't want to acknowledge them. Why? Why was she crying? Why did it upset her so? When her mother had mentioned inviting Takato, she instantly saw herself standing on her wedding, making her vows to Yuuro while Takato stared at her. She couldn't. She simply couldn't do that. She didn't want to be reminded, on that day of all days, of a future that she knew would never come.

“Ruki...” Her mother's voice was carried towards her by the wind.
“Leave me alone!” Ruki yelled. She didn't want her mother to see her tears. She didn't want her to know. She had sworn to keep this to herself for so long now... she couldn't be weak now.
“No. No, I won't.” Taira said as she entered the circle. Ruki looked away to the trees that slowly lost their leaves to the strength of the wind. Why wouldn't her mother just go?

“Ruki... I'm sorry I upset you. I didn't mean to. But it's hard for me if you won't tell me what is wrong... Something is bothering you. Something happened to you, and you won't tell anyone what it is. I've known this for a long time now... ever since we met again in ZoroAster. And I understand if you don't want to share. If you think it is best to keep it for yourself then I will respect that. But I want you to know that if you ever want to talk about it... I'm here for you. You can trust me. I... just don't want to see it eating you from the inside out.”

Her mother sat down on one of the benches while Ruki refused to move.
“I don't want to see Takato on my wedding day.” She blurted out. She couldn't recall why she was telling her mother this, only that everything seemed to overflow and like her tears she couldn't keep it in anymore.
“Why not?” Taira asked, her voice soft and friendly.

“Because Takato is... He was... my first...” Ruki didn't even know how to phrase it. What exactly had Takato been to her? Her first love? Somehow, that both didn't cover it and covered too much.
“You loved him?” Her mother asked.
“Yes... And he did... actually, I don't know if he ever truly loved me back. But I guess there was something neither of us could resist.” It simply was the best way to describe it, Ruki realized as she thought back to those days in the mountains, in the snow, in the forest, where it had been just Takato and her and the rest of the world had simply ceased to exist for a little while.

Her mother's face was unreadable. Then again, what could she possibly be thinking? Even Ruki didn't know what to think about what had happened between her and Takato... even now, she sometimes wondered if she had imagined it all.
“So Takato... I thought he had been with Flora for a long time.” Taira said. Ruki didn't expect that- out of all things, that was something she had never seen as a real problem, because somehow she had never thought of her and Takato as a threat to whatever Takato and Flora had. In retrospect, that seemed really weird... but it had been so different.

“Uh... yes, they have been. They'd been together for more than two years before I met him, I think.” Ruki said in the end.
“So then he...”
“Yes.” She didn't want her mother to say it out loud. She didn't want to hear what it truly had been. “That son of a...”
“Mom.” Ruki interrupted her mother. “Don't. It was not like... Well, I don't know what it was like. Just don't be angry with him, okay? I mean... I'm not. I don't want anyone to know this.”

“Not even Yuuro?” Taira asked as she got up from the bench.
“No. It's... something from the past. It's like another life. That's why I don't want him to come. Because I have a new life now. With Yuuro, and with you and dad and Frika and everyone else. I don't want to be reminded of that anymore. Please.”

Taira sighed and hugged her. Her mother's embrace was warm in the autumn wind, a shelter against the cold. “Of course.” Taira whispered as she held her. “We won't invite him. I understand.”
Ruki felt tears in her eyes again, but they were different this time. Not painful and angry, but grateful and warm.
“Thank you, mother.” She whispered as she let herself out of her mother's embrace.

“However... I will have to invite them for my coronation ceremony next spring. I can't get out of that.” Taira admitted.
“I know. I understand. It's fine. It's not like I never want to see him again. Just... not on my own wedding.” Ruki smiled, strangely relieved to have finally shared her secret with someone.

“Mom...” She whispered. “Please don't tell anyone. Not dad... Not grandma. I don't want them to know. And when I do, I'll tell them myself.”
“Of course.” Taira smiled. “I'll keep this to myself for as long as you want me to.”
“Thank you...” Ruki whispered. She didn't doubt her mothers' words. Ruki knew, then and there in the autumn garden, that she had finally found the mother she had been looking for.

“Mom...” Ruki whispered as Taira had already turned to head back to the castle.
“Yes?” Taira turned towards her daughter once more.
“Do you think we can... you know, stay out here for a little bit? Just talk? Not about work or things that need to be arranged or whatever... but just... talk?” Did that sound weird? Ruki wondered if she shouldn't have said it.

But, thankfully, her mother started smiling.
“Yea. Of course we can. Work can wait.” Once again, Taira sat down on one of the benches and Ruki sat down next to her. Even though she had just asked her mother to stay so they could talk, Ruki didn't know what to say.
“Are you nervous?” Taira asked after a few moments.

“About what?” Ruki asked, confused.
“The wedding.”
“Oh. I... I don't know. I don't think so. Not yet, anyway. Because I know it's a good decision. But maybe I'll get nervous once I'm there and everyone is staring at us.” Ruki smiled.
“I can imagine. When I think of all those eyes that will be on me during the coronation... I get really nervous already.” Taira agreed.

“Aren't you afraid you'll mess up? Like, that you will forget what to say? Or that your dress will like, fall apart?” Ruki grinned.
“Yea. Or that the crown will tumble off my head.” Taira agreed.
“That would be funny.” Ruki laughed, imagining the crown falling right off the moment it was put on her mother's head.

Taira poked her. “It's not! What if it really happens?”
“Of course it won't happen.” Ruki smiled.
“Yea. Probably not. Still though...” Ruki couldn't help but smile again, realizing her mother was actually concerned about it.
“At least it won't let people forget your coronation that easily.” She grinned.

“I guess not.” Taira smiled.
A comfortable silence fell as they both observed how the wind played with the leaves it tore off the trees. It was beautiful in it's own way. And it was okay to sit here and enjoy the simple wonders of nature. Because there was nothing left to worry about. Not only was the world safe... her own world was, too.